Goodbye, old friend.

Take a deep breath. Read slowly. Take your time with this :- 

It's been a few months since we spoke last. It's funny how things change so quickly. 

I close my eyes and see a moment when we're laughing together at something silly. I feel safe and complete and I don't think I've enjoyed anyone's company more than yours. We're honest and it's easy to trust each other. We love each other with all our hearts and nothing has tainted our relationship yet. There are no battle wounds or shiny old scars. It's just you and me. And in this moment I will love you forever. In this moment you'll always be mine and I'll always be yours. Though we may be strangers now, I will always be there for you. Getting to know you inside out was one of the most worthwhile experiences I've had, so far. I couldn't stop loving you even if I tried. Though we're very different now, from the people we were back then. 

I thought if I could change one thing, I would've chosen to walk away the first time so we wouldn't have this mess between us and we could still be friends. But I didn't walk away then. And I realize that I'm glad I didn't. Between the first time we ended things and now, I've learned so much about you. Been through so much with you. From you handling me at the worst of my depression, to your grandfather and my grandmother passing away, to you changing colleges and coping with you being away from home, to telling each other dark secrets about our families and our past. I've come to love you so much more through all of it. You were my number one support. Thank you. I wouldn't change it for the world. 

Even through the fighting and discomfort and unhappiness, it was actually in the last 8 months that it really began to sink in - how special you are. You still have done really bad things to people, but you are special. You're a once in a lifetime kind of person. I'm so glad I knew you. You were my best friend. 

It had to be ugly in the end, It could've been no other way. Because we would've never given up on each other if things didn't get that messy. And we both knew we were unhappy and leaving was the right thing to do. We just couldn't get ourselves to do it. Without all the ugliness and hate making us want to. 

It scares me now that you're doing things for other people that you never did for me. And it scares me that one day, not too far from now, I'll be just another psycho girlfriend that you had. And you will laugh about our relationship with your friends the way you and I laughed about my past relationships. 

It scares me that it's so easy to go from being your everything, to being someone you didn't even want to meet before you left for another country. 

I know that's how it's supposed to be. I know it will go away. I want you to be happy. Even if you're not a part of my life, I'd like to know from a distance that you're doing well and you're doing okay. But I'm only human... So I can't help but wish you're just a little bit heartbroken without me. I know I am. 

I normally wouldn't say this, or wish this, for myself or anyone else but, you will always occupy the same place in my heart. No one else will ever mean more to me, than you. No one will ever take your place. I will always have that moment, and in that moment you're mine forever. In that moment I will always love you. The eternal sunshine of a spotless mind? Not yet muddied by our humanness.