Sangatti Ka Prabhaav.

I know I haven't blogged for a really really long time but my life hasn't been very interesting while I've been gone. Needless to say, I haven't had anything interesting to write about, nor have I had the time or energy to sit down and write. Also, considering the change in company that I had, it was difficult for me to engage in any kind of thought that wasn't a hundred percent non-fictional or material. Seeing now that I, yet again, have had a change in the company that I do keep, I am proud to say that I, once again, posses the ability to think, however little, but think.

So, as I look back, it's crazy how much my company has influenced my way of thinking, my way of being, of existing.

Initially, when i started blogging, I spent a lot of time with this one person. Maybe not in person but at least we spoke a lot. He was the kind who would have this seemingly never-ending stream of thought about almost everything. Such radical views about such diverse things. Finding a way to connect things that were so widely dispersed.
Being around him, triggered lucid thoughts within my own mind. We created a sort of bubble within which we would stay. Spending an unreasonable amount of time thinking about things that couldn't possibly have anything to do with us; not even in a million years. Gradually I had a shift in priorities, and with that it became increasingly more difficult for me to think of out-worldly things, primarily because the strings that bound me to the mortal world, the earth, were tugging ever so strongly in an attempt to bring me back to the dust coated path upon which every human being must walk, through the course of their lives.
Is it so inconceivable that an Eagle can't spend it's life with Rabbit?
I eventually cut off from this person as the fact that we lived in different layers of the biosphere did prove to be a little bit of a hindrance.

I then stumbled upon and took to the company of yet another person who also lived in a bubble. However, he was the complete opposite. He lived in a bubble which was thick as wood and impenetrable by any kind of creative or intellectual or inferred thought. A bubble in which all emotion and thought was disregarded and labelled as unimportant. I don't yet fully understand how i got sucked into this bubble, but I found it to be quite peaceful. Not to mention that I was grateful that sleepless nights, haunted by trains of endless thoughts over anything and everything had finally come to an end. I was at peace. I was at peace until i turned into this boring, redundant person, who made as much of an effort to involve herself in a conversation, as she would've had she been sleeping. I moved, rather thought I was moving, along this monotonous path, where I was convinced that my petty problems didn't mean a hoot to anyone, including myself. This was a severe contrast to the previous phase of my life where something as small as a rude comment by my sister was converted into a matter of life an death and was given utmost importance. So I stayed within this bubble for a while- a little over a year to be precise. Somewhere in the midst of that, this little worm inside of me started inching it's way up my spine, causing discomfort with every inch that it advanced. When it reached all the way up to my brain, its message was loud an clear. A high-pitched ringing that couldn't be taken lightly. All possible meaning had been vacuumed out of my useless existence. I needed to think, I couldn't function as a menial part of society. Not that I assumed my thoughts were of much importance to anyone else, but that didn't mean I should have been alright with not having any thoughts at all. So I made the decision to escape that bubble. However, one must understand that with every separation comes its fair share of pain and discomfort.
Since, I had gone through the process of separation before, and was careful enough not to get too attached, it task did not take too much out of me. I can't say the same for the other person, and for that, I am deeply apologetic.

I found another bubble, one that fit perfectly. It wasn't so light as to fly off into outer space, nor was it so dense as to have sunk into the ground and cut itself off from civilization altogether. It felt good, to think, to feel, to take a break from everything real, and then again take a break from everything unreal, to think in more than one dimensions. But now I'm sitting her thinking, why must I share another person's bubble at all? Why can't i have my own bubble? Perhaps if I were in my own bubble, I would be in a state of equilibrium. There would be nothing to push or pull me to be a certain way. I might just lose my sense of self, for it is the constant battle to stay true to myself that reminds me of who I am. In a solitary existence, I might just not refer to myself for so long that i lose my sense of self altogether.

But then again, I'm guessing these are the random ramblings that may not mean a thing. I'll still tell you this - It feels good.