It's a constant back and forth, between wanting to let go gracefully, and wanting to fight for you, with the aggression of a raging bull.
There was a time when it was so easy to be passionate about what I believed in. When it was alright to care and show that I care.
That didn't translate too well into adulthood. Years of being told to "chill out" and "relax" have left me with a mirror reflecting back my attempts at internal reflection. I no longer feel too much, or care too deeply. Consciously, that is.
Some would say it's called growing up. I think it's just social conditioning by a superficial society - where you're looked down on whenever you say you care, or get emotional - like it's a bad thing.
Everyone is cautious, on defence, at all times. So scared. Insecure. Uneasy. Afraid they'll get hurt. Unsure of the truth in your words. Unable to trust.
Words, relationships, morals don't mean what they used to once. Everything is okay, everything is just fine. Because if you show the world you feel- you're weak. And you'll be eaten alive.
I've had very few moments of absolute honesty in the past year or so, and I've been made to feel like I'm being irrational, unreasonable, or overly emotional.
Every time it happens, I move one step closer to the brink of complete emotional bankruptcy. There will be a day when I can't care, even when I try.
There was a time when it was so easy to be passionate about what I believed in. When it was alright to care and show that I care.
That didn't translate too well into adulthood. Years of being told to "chill out" and "relax" have left me with a mirror reflecting back my attempts at internal reflection. I no longer feel too much, or care too deeply. Consciously, that is.
Some would say it's called growing up. I think it's just social conditioning by a superficial society - where you're looked down on whenever you say you care, or get emotional - like it's a bad thing.
Everyone is cautious, on defence, at all times. So scared. Insecure. Uneasy. Afraid they'll get hurt. Unsure of the truth in your words. Unable to trust.
Words, relationships, morals don't mean what they used to once. Everything is okay, everything is just fine. Because if you show the world you feel- you're weak. And you'll be eaten alive.
I've had very few moments of absolute honesty in the past year or so, and I've been made to feel like I'm being irrational, unreasonable, or overly emotional.
Every time it happens, I move one step closer to the brink of complete emotional bankruptcy. There will be a day when I can't care, even when I try.
No comments:
Post a Comment