The problem with happily ever after.

I don't know if this ever happens to you, and this post is more like me venting out rather than anything you might want to read so if you're not in the mood for mindless teenage sulking then I suggest you navigate away from this post as soon as possible.
   So, I was saying, I don't know if this ever happens to you, but I apparently do things, very often, which piss people off. A lot. And I don't seem to underhand that, for these things happen to be merely a reflection of the other person's actions. 
  You know how they say that if you were to live with yourself, you'd never survive? Okay, maybe they don't say that; but my mother does.
 Turns out, talking sarcastically pisses people off. Even those for whom sarcasm is like second nature. 
 Thing is, and I've notice it as well, I've become cold. After I poisoned a part of me, and that half of me refused to be treated, refused to let me stop the poison from spreading. Initially I bled. I bled for months. But somehow I stopped the bleeding. And I was so very scared that I'd force the bleeding to stop. Which would only result in the stiches bursting open with the slightest amount of pressure. So I let myself take my own time. I said to myself that I'd heal in my own time. And luckily, the wound did heal, completely. The stiches didn't rip. 
   Surprisingly I was really happy as well. Happy all the time. No matter what happened. That smile didn't disappear. And I felt so elated. Felt as though I were immune to sorrow. Anger.
Felt like I'd made peace with myself and there was nothing that could make me think otherwise. And I was right. To feel those things, that is. 
   However, I realized something, a little while ago. I am actually immune to sorrow and anger. And that's a bad thing. I seem to have built these walls around myself, which are very hard to penetrate. I don't get attached. To anything. And I don't take anything seriously. I've convinced myself that it's not worth caring. That by the end of it, we let go, we move on, we die. It ends. So why freak out so much? Right? Apparently not because in this new apathetic skin, I don't seem to notice what bothers people. Don't seem to notice what's right. Don't seem to notice my mistakes. And this is a big issue.
   When soemone tells me that they're pissed off with me for a particular reason, more often than not, I feel like they're reacting to something that I wouldn't have even paid attention to. I guess the fact that I don't let myself get bothered by most things, kinda makes me expect the same from the people I know. 
   I barely react to anything anymore. And two of my theories had always been - never expect anything from anyone, that's the best way to avoid disappointment. And the second theory is that, always, ALWAYS, put yourself in the other person's shoes. 
   The first theory, I'm not following. Even though I know I should. But it's way too hard. The second one however, only seems to work to a certain extent. See, since I hardly care about anything anymore, even if I put myself in someone else's place I just end up thinking "I wouldn't even care. Who would?" 
  turns out, people don't think the way I do, shocker eh? And a lot of the things that don't bother me, bother a lot of other people. 
   But I've somehow made this thick wall around myself, it prevents me from caring. And it is penetrate-able, but till now, only Arsenal has managed to get across it. Which is ironic since I'm asuming he's the reason why I even built up that wall. I'm guessing, subconciously.
 I want to care. I really do. And I'm still trying. I can't. Yet.
   Bottom line, I'm cold, and I feel weird about that. I'm indifferent and apathetic, mostly. And I don't want to be. I accept it, I'm wrong, a lot. And I'm a stone cold bitch. Sorry about that.
  you know what the problem with being happy all the time is? You don't feel sad. 
I feel numb. Make me feel?