2nd of February 2010

Exactly two years since the first time i saw Arsenal, not the team. Codename. For this person is a die hard fan of Arsenal. We were together for 21 months and 10 days. From the 21st of January 2008 to the 31st of October 2009. We had fun. We truly loved each other. But as Oscar Wild said, "they ruin every romance by trying to make it last forever". And ours, evidently, did not. However it was one of the most exhilarating things I've experienced. The end, was brutal. Painful. And the damage done, is irreversible, according to him. Over the past few weeks, months rather. We had arguments and our own share of fights. And i would promise myself that i will not talk to him anymore. But something always pulled me back. So it surprised me when i woke up randomly in the middle of the night last night (which never happens. i'm a deep sleeper). And i have FOUR calls from him (that never happens either). Called him back, he didn't reply. Then i saw 2 messages from him. Anyway i feel asleep and i woke up in the morning to see 3 calls from him. It was urgent. I called him up, and spoke to him. And then he said it's the 2nd of February. At first it didn't click (haven't been looking at the calender lately). Then i realised what he said. And i was warmed by the fact that he, after everything that happened between us, still remembered. We had a short conversation, i ad to get to school, he hadn't slept all night (as was his usual ritual). The sun comes up and he goes down. It's a little ironic, cause my real name means the moon. It's almost as though he rises and sets with the moon. Ha! Although that's hardly the case anymore.

Once upon a time, not so long ago and i a land not so far away, we met through a common friend online. Planned to make a band together. He was in town cause he got suspended from school for allegedly convincing a hundred odd kids to NOT give the computer exams. He claimed that he didn't even try to convince them. It was this convincing power of his that later convinced me to fall in love with him. Without him knowing, obviously. So, he went back to school eventually and we didn't talk for 9 months. Then he got back and we started talking again. One night in the midst of a conversation my computer crashed so i called our "common friend" who was Whammy by the way. And she gave me his number. 27th December 2007. We spoke, everyday, it took 26 days of talking continuously on the phone and texting, and then, i told him. Texted actually.

"i think i'm in love with you."

"you're mad. are you drunk? you sure?"

"yes i'm sure. no i'm not drunk"

That's when it started. An hour and 37 minutes later, i asked him out. Ha!

We were like shit serious, from the first day. We were like one of those couples who no one EVER thought would break up. Always there for each other. It felt so natural being around each other. Almost as though that's the way we'd been all our lives. So, safe and comfortable, like a pearl in an oyster. Initially, as is with all relationships, we were polite to each other, supportive, loving, caring, no foul language. :) But it was inevitable. After about a year and a half, we started fighting, because we'd be brutally honest. He started doing the things i'd asked him not to do, because after you're in a relationship for a while, you start taking the other person for granted. My theory had always been, "don't expect anything, you'll never be disappointed" but, that's hard. For all of us. Eventually, the things that annoyed me, over the days, weeks, months, came out. I was like an irrupting volcano. And in my wrath, i said i can't be with a person like you. I didn't mean it though. But he'd always been one to hold grudges and i'd always been one to get angry and say things just to hurt people, even if i didn't mean them. He'd also always been in a habit of assuming a lot of things. So somehow, the character assassination (of his) that i did, turned into "you said, i ruined your life and you want me out of it". But i didn't mean it that way. I'd actually listed all the things about him that pissed me off. I was fighting with him, not breaking up with him, THAT my friend, happened by mistake. I spent the next few days trying to convince him that i didn't mean what i'd said. But then again, i was never good at convincing.

So he last few months have been a confusing mixture of fighting and loving and caring and hating and confessing our love for each other and well, more fighting. That's primarily why i have this blog. Because emotions just seem so uncomplicated when written. It really clears your mind. And i have always been a very fickle person. I think, as i mentioned earlier, that i have bipolar disorder. Ha! I'm a very confused person, and I've rubbed off on him, which makes it even harder for either of us to know what we want. Tragic. Ha!